An Opening of New Beginnings! Oct.20-28, 2014

After yesterday going to Kick Boxing with Dee she commented she had looked at my website, that is really a first such a great compliment I am very grateful. So I decided to get my blog that I wrote in Oct. up to date now being Feb. 11 with much happening since our trip. It has been an amazing time for being regenerated after that trip. I signed up with Christine Kloser "Get My Book Done", plus Bill Baren Premier Packaging which all that I will go into at a later time, but has opened my eyes to much plus now in the comforts of my home I am connected to amazing people all over. Plus signed up with a client/friend to do the half marathon in Kona in June~

Today is a day of expected changes after closing the store, consolidating a huge amount of debt paying a percentage with Freedom Debt Relief starting with 11 credit cards now owing on 1 with funds there to pay, not claiming bankrupty. Who would guess we would take a much-needed vacation after that mess, Going to Kona you ask how? Well the solution was keeping excerciseing, meditation, tapping and struggling with a very positive focus, writing from Magic Book just before sleep my 10 gratitude's for each day then taking my special rock thanking the most amazing things in each day. Now I want you to know this wasn't easy it took a strategy each day, to force my butt out to exercise each time when in fact I would rather eat cookies and drink coffee. I know in my heart of hearts I wouldn't have been able to get through it without these practises plus tapping Nick Ortner. I listened to different people Liza Nichols, Jack Canfield, Robert Allen, to name a few but realizing all of them had challenges but got through it, by sticking with it. I Safeway to have supply's.  With the time change, I woke up early meditated in gratitude, tapped then got my butt in gear to get out and run/walk about 4 miles which are what I call the real deal work-shop. So as I ran I went through the last 12 yrs the good, bad and the ugly but understanding how being in such a struggle place it was almost impossible to create and move beyond. That God/Goddess did us a favor creating the scenario to make us get out, we still would have been struggling with ourselves and partly ego of, not wanting to give up. So now as I ran I felt my own resistance to letting it go, staying with the story but knowing it truly is a new beginning see this ocean and beach across from the condo a confirmation that I am in the right place doing the necessary clearing. So then I would go back after the run get my Mom walk for another 2 miles. When I ran would pass the gal in the picture Serita who I met on the plane each day we would chat about what our next adventure would be.
  So now I am getting ready to write my ideas or stories since I am a story teller; like Carlos Castaneda, Maria Corellini, Lynn Andrews, not that I have an ego to write like them but I would like it to be that experiential experience. While on the plane I was reading Jack Canfield's, "The Success Principles" & Lynn Andrews, "Writing Spirit". While reading each being valuable for very different reasons getting back into affirmations, and the medicine wheel about writing each direction which is a medicine of mine as well, using the right brain, plus using the medicine way to accomplish my goals. A magical combination that is achievable showing people if I can do this you certainly can, but the main objective is showing up.........each morning I would give myself permission to not run but just go out and walk if I wanted to that even in this beautiful place my mind would say hey I ran for 4 days in a row give me a break, then I would do my thing of just go out. I was blessed each morning of coming in with the sun rising confirming this was definitely a new beginning in all ways.  So I got into the blue ocean, enjoyed being on the beach, good food, hanging out, realizing in my struggles I forgot to dream. Am I too old or lost too much money to have the ability to start over once again, the answer, of course, is yes~
I got back with an easy flight, nice drive home, now back to Life 101 with much more inspiration! Thank you, God/Goddess my son's for paying for our flights and their wives to give us an ability to dream once again no matter how old or beat up we were.

Falling into Fall~

So this last summer is the summer of doing things I hadn't planned or even thought I wanted to do. Have you experienced that too? Some people talked about grief wondering if they were experiencing depression or just not feeling happy. I ended up going to the Marble Mountains a 8 mile hike, with Frank Thom/Walking Backwards for a fast 24-hour trip. I had wanted to have horses take in our gear, but we decided to take the trip ourselves with packs, in the heat of about 100 degrees. Here is the picture of me just looking thrilled, the trail is not an easy one especially with carrying gear. We arrived then planned to go to the ridge before dawn that was at least another 2 miles ups. We did make it before sunrise saying prayers for the world and his dad Charlie Thom, a native important time in honoring his passing. I experienced a rush of tears and sobbed I usually don't do this. It over took me prayers for the world and all those people that I have known through the years who have passed. Then going to our camp unable to find it feeling like I was in another dimension, having to ask for help from a wonderful couple to help me. We came out feeling very content that we made our commitment to those in spirit. So later that week was an annual Sweat Lodge in honor of Charlie, who I planned to visit my friends but possibly not sweat, there too I did another change in plans. There had started a huge fire at "Happy Camp" calling a close of the Sundance, so all the people who go to that ceremony arrived at the Sweat Lodge.  The fires were over taking our area, with the threats to the whole county. Then unexpected David Quigley's Empowerment being held in Mc Cloud asking if I could help with it, he had a virus so for a couple days I jumped in not really being with David in years. It was amazing I realized I missed doing this work with him and his groups, we have made plans to do more in the future, it was another unexpected turn of events. I did get his virus so that made me lay low for a couple weeks.  I had been taking some online, from Facebook: Christine Kloser, Liza Nichols, Jack Canfield, Nick Ortner, Callan Rush & Ryan Elison just to name a few, making it clear I do want to hang out with these type of folks. If that means write a book, doing more online seminars. I feel like I am more motivated but feeling so lucky to be in this times of being able to participate while sitting in my living room. I attempted to do lodge on the Equinox but between being sick and the smoke from the fires were so thick I could hardly see the store across the street, put our ceremony on hold. Then there was another sad but huge fire in Weed that effected 142 totally burned houses plus the community has been traumatized almost beyond words to express how sad it is. The community pulled together but still a month later still in shock. This week a young man was arrested. We finally had our lodge Sunday with prayers for all this plus gratitude for our lives, a huge summer still a bit hard to interpret more to come~

So Easter, Birthday's, and Eclipses?

Wow so much going on, where to start??? First We had 2 birthday's Mom's 85 and my son Zac 39! We arrived to my other son's Josh's to help in his yard, then off to birthday party at Chen's with cake and all for little kids first time in a restraunt with all the waiters singing, Happy Birthday! Stayed down went to dance class, hung out which now that the store is closed we are able to do so! Then the great Eclipse which for me was ok, but others shifted in a dramatic way. Yesterday was the last of the Eclipse still in throws of the Grand Cross till mid May....what do I feel about it?? Well last week was very wild I ended up with a suggestion for Questing which as of late I canceled due to not adequate support too hard of work for myself. Then vavoom this woman really wants to do it, I had a dream of doing a gather a lot less complicated gathering at a camp. Putting it out there potluck, singing, drumming around the firer on a Saturday evening then Sunday who ever wants to go out alone can all day or for as many hours as they want. I got amazing responce so I am moving forward with that possibly doing it 3 times this summer. I also received a bunch of wood last week, plus help build a lodge for gatherings down as Shasta Camp a delightful woman is bringing her group next weekend, then doing a Quest with them in New Mexico. So Steve Chase & I gathered willows, Cedar the camp asked me in a very powerful way if she could use my spot, which was very humbling for me. Of course I was delighted to have this blessed area opened once again! I had been down a while ago checking on my wood, rocks, and water feeling the spirits call so the call has been answered. Her group built a sweet lodge a bit different then my training but great none the less. Also I was gifted with lots of wood, so the sign is ceremony is happening. I went to the anniversary of Earth Circle on Earth Day at the Head Waters sang with friends and the big Earth Circle drum, Carla told the story of how Mario got the drum from Joel and Charlie had cut the tree down knowing this tree his whole life now here we are with 100 people honoring Charlie Thom's life singing our hearts out. I called Joel who is now home, but still recuperating he is able to stand for a few moments, he is definitely a miracle showing how prayers are answered, he isn't done with his work. Now preparing for our lodge on the 18th opening it up, plus gathering blankets for the camp so that it isn't necessary to carry back and forth blankets and supply's a hard way to continue.

Emptiness

So after this long journey I am finding peace and solitude which is unfamiliar to me since the early 80's even then I had 2 small children. I have found my way with an inner journey feeling comfortable and finally rewarding. I started a new exercise/food program beachbody fix which has been good making those moves that working on by myself far harder but now following a program for a half hour is easy well not easy but goes fast then keeping up my normal spin routine & kickboxing; running (not so good with cold weather& wind) It has been a definite transition for me but feels like the Angels did protect us from more possible doom due to the lack of snow & bad weather; general tourist not here. I do feel that the inner guidance is really a miracle that we have been taken care of. I only feel free for the last 2 weeks after doing taxes with good news. Since the last year was so challenging in so many ways I received paper work that I was sure I filed in appropriate place but getting it all together then not have some paper work from 1998 gathering that yahoo it was all a success. I also was really pondering about the Quest which was on the books for Aug. 2-9 just not feeling it for many reasons, plus with Joel's accident not having him available. I had asked Stacey if she was interested she had helped for 5 yrs when I had Danial Foor but she seemed to not hear me or just avoid the whole conversation. I absolutely need a team to pull off something as grand as that. Doing it with Daniel he always seems to enroll very enthusiastic people who he some how could really delegate to do the work. Last time we moved the lodge up from the river the new caretakers were concerned about fire, so called the forest service saying we had to move it. It was actually easier because it was more central not needing shifts of people to sit by it. I just slept there to keep it burning and make sure there was no problem. So the long and short I was up in the air about it since Xmas then after Joel's accident certainly another sign that it wasn't happening. I did have a dream that I was in a rather large room with many people the conversation came up about having a potluck and drumming type of camp out then the next day everyone go out on a day Quest. I posted it on Facebook got a great response which showed me it would be fun. Starting a new dialogue around an easier approach to a small Quest that I could do 1 a month, so with that gave me the sign to cancel the other which I did.
   I am doing Brene Brown's online course tomorrow I read her first book twice, until this week other then articles and various online documents I have not been driven to read so that changed too with the peace I am experiencing I am in deep gratitude for that. I am reading Daring Greatly which is inspiring me to think deeper, exactly where I am after this long workshop I call my life giving me guidance as to how my emotions sometimes work to get through the last drama. It is very good timing I am ready for it along with this new exercise program all very good timing opening up Pandora's box for me to delve into my own psychic reemergence feeling the power & getting guidance from my angels giving me drive. Realizing that this is the time I have been waiting for know that I need to have few distractions from what is birthing at this moment. I feel a drive to be around people who are exploring their own spiritual intellectual assistance to why we are here.  
    Getting back to some of my artist drive these are some of my bags I made to go with these drums, one for my son Zac & my grand-daughter Tessa, now making one for our newest addition Owen! Back to basics in this inward drive, diving deep! 

Moving into Spring~

What is your practice? Do you meditate, journal, exercise, do affirmations or gratitude list what is your daily commitment to the new Now? Well I was pondering this as I sat watching the Monks finish up the Sand Mandala" Manjushri"(mandala of Wisdom). Now watching Brene Brown on Super Soul Sunday this is the life that I have made. I am starting Beachbody 21 program to get off my extra pounds so I can do more. I got that call from the gal who owns a condo in Kona I had let it go thinking it wasn't going to happen I had called over 6 wks ago thinking it is a sign of not happening then vavoom. What does this mean well it means I can achieve that 1/2 marathon in Kona, wow have to keep the running up more but now that I don't have the range of credit cards after this whole building/business night mare last year how do I get the plane paid for both Mom & I? Always a push to make the changes that are on my manifesting list! I also signed up for the next online class through Brene Brown starting the end of this month. I feel the push of moving forward still feeling a bit shaken after the war zone of last year but still moving forward no matter what. That is why I was thinking of What is your practice? What if I didn't have these tools I would feel very different these practices I know is what got me here pushing forward. I counsel this but with my spiritual clients often hear yes but you don't understand I am too tired too sad too empty to do this. I do have some that I applaud that not only do their practice but do it so enthusiastic they inspire me to do more for that I am in deep gratitude. So having still more limitations then I am happy with but knowing my drive has to be greater to achieve this run or anything the great news is I will stay in better physical, mental and spiritual shape to do so. Yesterday when I was with my coach for this diet plan she was saying various things about the program and I know didn't really understand my exercise drive thinking when I was saying I am doing a run ......actually 2 half marathons one in the Giant Redwoods then one in Kona plus last year doing 5 runs, yes I am slower then I would like but still striving to get faster and better. If you had asked me at this age would I do this at this age I would have been so perplexed thinking it would be a time of relaxing but it is not the case. When taking dinner up to the lama's we had this wonderful conversation about Wisdom this very subject on being an elder having so much to push to do, he said," We have the wisdom have much more to do during these times this is our job, our assignment we signed up for!" Still working on the emptiness being cautious of how much I do just in waiting for more messages!

We never know what our future is, at any moment everything can change, this is life!

I want to write about this week, my friend Joel Brightbill fell asleep while driving hit a tree going 40 mph the air bags didn't open up, getting the news he was in very critical condition. I could feel his soul vacillate between worlds have Charlie Thom there holding the energy from the other side. I talked with his wife Pat  knowing she had to have that conversation letting him know how much she loves him but could except his decision to either stay or love him on the other side. He has had numerous surgeries after his accident 5 days a go today is his day of rest then on to more surgeries, possibly going to Stanford Hospital for reconstruction on his face. As my friend Holly (powerful healer) says Joel is a 24 hr guy who is in service to do what ever it takes to help others. In this picture he is building my lodge before going to build Charlie Thom's last lodge on the Sacramento River. Our friendship has had many twists and turns, for over 20+years from being in the Marble Mountain Wilderness for many days doing ceremony in all kinds of situation in all kinds of wilderness. It is like people who are not accustom to the true wilderness the wildness of it make do not make elaborate  altars. Joel knowing that mother earth is her own altar not needing many decorations but does like to be honored with respect and care. We would build a huge fire on the side of Spirit Lake almost feeling the power and strength of it roaring over our heads knowing that spirit created a safety that is beyond words or ability to even for us understand this is our altar our elements no frills just the real deal of water, earth, air and fire, feeling the spirit alive and respecting our work. He is an amazing person, he was going to take a few of us in this next summer in honor of the work we did there for many years, this saddens me that he will be in re-hab unable to do what he loves, knowing that in some ways it is our responsibility after Charlie Thom's passing to visit his altar in respect for him as a huge Medicine Man. Now all is up in the air for that journey?
  Also a wonderful woman Donna May is in the thrills of her writing her long awaited book still sitting on the shelf waiting fore editing. She made available as she branches out in non traditional therapist way, dream weaver gave an invite to either do a phone call or Skpe for 30 mins. calling it "psyches call.' During the call I asked her what are we doing here, "I am here to support your dreams" I am still almost speechless realizing that she really is available to be just support in a kind magical way. The call was amazing I am still a bit uncomfortable to switch rolls I am usually the supporter, so to have her bid for supporting me has given me a new energy. To  have Donna offer such generosity I not only appreciated her but trust in her sincerity and honesty which gives my soul the feeling of trust I have not had many offer so much. So that all being said, this week having that support I feel more positive and driven to know that in my emptiness the way will be made clear. " I also have been offered by 2 of my clients that want to help in anyway advanced guys for workshops or Quest they want to be included to do what ever necessary. I can feel the pot churning into an more apparent tapestry which having the store has not happened for  quite a while except for Vision Questing.
  Yesterday Mom & I went over to visit the Methodist Camp to check it out for the scheduled Vision Quest August 2-9, no snow, very little water. I am feeling the land calling to me I am waiting for the earth to give me a clear message of my next step with that land. I know the land there &  have a deep relationship so wondering which way that will go. When I started with Joel's terrible accident he was going to do the teaching of building lodge, so with him in his condition plus the water, fire potential everything is up in the air for the time being.
  Again Thank YOU Donna May plus my clients have been calling with such enthusiasm!

In this picture is Joel just before the last Lodge for Charlie Thom that night Charlie was taken to the hospital. Joel is always hard working great lodge leader!